As humans we are designed for connection, with the desire to belong and to be loved. These are innate feelings and they are developed or crushed depending on how we are raised. As children (generally speaking), we do almost anything to please our parents, or whoever assumes that role, to attempt to “earn” their love and the feeling of belonging. Many of us at a young age, for countless reasons, lose our sense of worth and then spiral into a life of believing that we are unworthy of love or anything good.
Personally, as a young child I experienced an incident that stripped me of my self-worth. It took well into adulthood, a brutal battle with depression and anxiety, and some hard therapy sessions to realize that I had been living a shell of a life. This came to light with a very simple activity. My therapist asked me to write down all the reasons God loved me, and I could not come up with a single one.
The next few weeks felt like torture as I started to talk about and process what happened. In those moments of struggle, hurt, and anger I found something I had never known before… myself. I claimed my Identity as an heir with Christ, realizing I am worthy of love, worthy of good things, and that I am enough. Enough for my husband, enough for my children, and I now know that I am unstoppable.
Our self-worth ties directly into our mindset and affects how we “talk” to ourselves. Are you kind to yourself? Do you encourage yourself to try new things? Do you truly believe you are capable of anything you set your mind to accomplish?
Did you know that we spend up to 90% of our time living in our subconscious mind? You might be thinking about what you are going to say next, all the things you have to do today, wondering if it is going to rain this weekend, or berating yourself for some perceived wrongdoing, etc. Even if our thoughts are painful and limiting, we often stay there because that is our comfort zone where we feel safe. Understanding your self-worth and building a growth mindset starts taking all those negative thoughts captive and reframing them which helps you look for the lesson in all situations.
Embracing our self-worth takes us back to that basic need for connection. Often, we fear being our true selves for fear of rejection or if we do the wrong thing, we will be deemed as unlikable and cast out. So, we stay stuck in our limiting beliefs because it is just too scary out there in the unknown, outside of our comfort zone. To try something new and fail will for sure nail the last board in the coffin of being accepted and any chance at finding love.
Let me drop a truth bomb. Real change that moves you forward can never happen in your comfort zone. When you know your worth, you are no longer worried about what other people think about you, because you no longer need external validation. You are who you want to be or at least working towards who you want to become.
In that same vein, when you step out of your comfort zone, you become unafraid of failure, not because of arrogance that you won’t fail, but as an understanding that all failure leads us to new insights and information. Starting Embrace, Live, Thrive is the scariest thing I have ever done, and way beyond my comfort zone. I know, in my heart, that I am going to make changes and help moms understand the importance of caring for themselves, but I also know that I have a lot to learn and at times may not make the right decision. However, I don’t fear making wrong decisions or the wrong step, because each step I take right or wrong is helping know what direction I am supposed to be head.
I now look for ways to get out of my comfort zone, not because I like living life on the edge, but because I know that outside of that zone is where my greatest potential lies. I can move forward even when it looks messy because I know that is real life.
Finding your self-worth is not easy. You have to reflect and process why you can’t encourage and/or love yourself. It is likely stemming from a trauma(s) that you have yet to process correctly. Trauma can be caused in a multitude of ways. Never let shame tell you that this isn’t big enough to even really be trauma. Shame lies. Addressing unhealed traumas, setting boundaries, learning about full life, healthy living are all ways of starting your journey to discover your self-worth.
Full life, healthy living is understanding how to manage your mental, social, nutritional, and physical health in the eyes of motherhood. It’s about finding the resources that you need in the areas that you are struggling the most, and taking one small step forward, and then another. The journey to full life, healthy living may not be easy, but you will not regret a day of your journey as you begin to reach your true potential. Pushing outside of your comfort zone is how you start that journey and remember there is no such thing as failure. I am here to tell you as many times as it takes, you are worthy, and you are enough. I can see it; now let’s figure out what it will take for you to see it as well.